I have done amazing things that no one thought I should be able to do, but I am quite sure that at the age of 31, my accomplishments shouldn't end at two 150 mile charity bike rides, one child, and a stable home life. Especially since I am the breadwinner of our household. I know this job is good, provides for us well, but it isn't where my passion lies and I'm afraid that it shows in a bad way when I'm trying to remember simple policy and can remember more about the warning signs of a placental abruption or signs of mental illness than check handling or ATM balancing procedures. I'm simply not performing at my absolute best even when I'm focused at (the mathematically improbable) 110% and I hate that. I hate that I can't remember the little things at work, but can remember the details of cadaver class a decade ago.
The thing is, when I started at Kansas State main campus in 2000, I was going as a pre-nursing major with intent to transfer out to Baker or KU or another great nursing school after pre-requisites were met. I busted my buns through many neurotic episodes and WAS accepted to Baker, but couldn't fathom paying so much for schooling and decided to stay a wildcat while finishing up my psychology degree. It seemed a better fit for where I was in life anyway. But now I feel pulled toward nursing again. So, I have to put a plan in motion and sort through my list of five/ten year goals to see what is more important to me in order to make this happen. It would improve our financial outlook here on the homefront, it would take me out of the cubefarm and back out in the community, and open some doors for us.
Here's the sticky part- I know every day when I wake up that there is a good job with great co-workers waiting for me Monday through Friday. They understand the craziness and accept me as I am. I'm comfortable here. If I were to continue on for the next ten years in the same spot, I could likely sit at the same desk with the same people and do relatively the same thing every day as long as technology and time didn't replace me. I like that, but I also like the idea that I could make someone's healthcare experience better.
So. I am checking into schools, trying to find one that will see my college transcript, accept that I have already paid my dues with expository writing, speech making, and math. Also trying to find as many scholarship opportunities as I can to avoid creating a bigger mountain of debt.
I'm also trying to decide at the same time whether E will have a sibling or not. I desperately want him to know the joys and challenges of having a sibling, but I'm 31. I'm not getting younger. I can neither wait forever to have another child nor to start school again... on top of all the other complications in my life (like not being able to find reliable kid care help, and a husband who has been in a new level of pain/dysfunction/incapacitation for an unprecedented 45 days. I'm already at my breaking point, and yet I want to cram more education into the mix.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Parenting on a budget.
I am a bargain hunter. By nature, I don't frown upon second, third, and fourth-hand stuff as long as it isn't contaminated with anything icky, is still in good shape, and hasn't been recalled. Goodwill is my favorite store for my own clothes, though I do love some thriftshops I've found online. Ooh, and Craigslist. Craigslist is my friend when I need something.
Here are some of the corners I cut with my first/only kiddo. Hopefully it'll help someone down the line.
Pre-baby: Maternity clothes are god-awful expensive for the short time you need them. Go to Craving Style for good, cheap, new-ish clothes and help some mamas out while looking awesome with your belly. Also check out goodwill's maternity section. Or yardsales, craigslist, and the like.
Basics-necessities:
Diapers. I prefer cloth. My first set lasted 18-ish months, then I put them in, covers and all, in my parents' washer on too hot a setting, de-laminated all the covers... leaky hell. Had to replace them. My first set was from softbums. I had twelve covers and I don't know how many inserts... lots. LOVED THEM!! I spent around $300 for that lot and for the first year they only added maybe two extra loads of laundry a week on a bad week. Extremely daddy and caretaker friendly, low-maintenance cloth diaper.
Unfortunately, they died... and I didn't have $300. So, I discovered Sun Baby diapers. Price-wise, far more reasonable- I now have 24 covers and loads of inserts, plus I can still use my old inserts from the Softbums diapers in them, and I've sunk less than $150 into it. Considering that my son has been in diapers now for 24 months (though he's mostly in undies now), I reckon it has saved us a good $2000 or better... plus, it has saved us from emergency 'OMG that's the last diaper, and he's wearing it!' runs at all hours.
Homemade wipes are pretty simple- buy a stack or two of soft, inexpensive wash cloths. Use warm water or make your own wipe solution, just pack in a ziplock bag for trips out of the house. Or you could be crafty and cut some out of flannel, but that can be a pain sometimes, depending on your sewing machine.
Clothes. Go to yard sales, talk to friends who've had babies when yours is due or who have kids who are similar in size for the season, they don't stay that size for long, so it doesn't make sense to buy brand new until later on when their sizes are harder to find on the secondhand market. Also, If you're expecting and your family is super excited to buy clothes for your kid, don't be afraid to tell them you're full-up on newborn goods, and to please start shopping for the next sizes up.
Toys. Newborns through about four or so months really don't need toys. I felt like a crappy mom at first because I didn't have toys laying around when Munchie arrived, but then I realized that I was one of the coolest toys ever invented... at least until he figured out how to roll around and grab things. Then a handheld mirror was pretty cool for awhile, as was one of my old silky nighties tied in a knot. Kids don't need flash and glitter. They'll play with the box if you buy them lots of toys right off the bat.
Bedding. Believe it or not, newborns don't care about their surroundings nearly as much as their adults do. I did the stupid first-timer thing and bought a (discounted, clearance) crib bedding set to coordinate with the freshly painted baby room and the lovely secondhand crib I bought. (before dropside cribs were outlawed)
Personally, for our family, we follow Dr. McKenna's safe bed-sharing rules and the crib was never used for much beyond holding laundry and temporary kid parking while putting away laundry. Your family dynamics might be different, but just the same, you coooooould buy that shiny new crib at your store of choice, or you could look at Craigslist and the yardsale circuit. Our crib was $100, used. Brand new it would have gone for nearly $300. :-)
Food. In the beginning, there's the breast. I know not everyone can or wants to breastfeed, but if you are physically able, it will save you loads! My son is sensitive to dairy (apparently a family trait that I passed to him), so we'd have had to have a dairy-free formula if we had not gone the breast route. There would have also been the cost of trial and error, trying to find one that worked for him. Some cans would have been wasted. Instead, I cancelled dairy from my diet and found substitutes, and pumped and dumped during times that I knew I'd have dairy. Two years, and still going strong!
Baby food really isn't a necessity. If you wait until baby starts to show interest in food, you can actually just mash up the food you're eating and see how it goes. If your family has a history of food allergies, try one food at a time (one a day, wait for a reaction), and save the expensive jarred stuff for occasions when you're out of the house. Also, those jars are waaaaaaay too big for a kid to have a balanced meal. One jar is about the capacity of the baby's belly... so you would really need to take a portion out of several jars to let your kid have the same sort of meal you're having with a meat, a vegetable, a fruit, etc. That adds to the cost!
Little guy is only two, and we're still finding ways to save as we go. Here's to a future of not spending $200,000 from birth to 18 years!
Here are some of the corners I cut with my first/only kiddo. Hopefully it'll help someone down the line.
Pre-baby: Maternity clothes are god-awful expensive for the short time you need them. Go to Craving Style for good, cheap, new-ish clothes and help some mamas out while looking awesome with your belly. Also check out goodwill's maternity section. Or yardsales, craigslist, and the like.
Basics-necessities:
Diapers. I prefer cloth. My first set lasted 18-ish months, then I put them in, covers and all, in my parents' washer on too hot a setting, de-laminated all the covers... leaky hell. Had to replace them. My first set was from softbums. I had twelve covers and I don't know how many inserts... lots. LOVED THEM!! I spent around $300 for that lot and for the first year they only added maybe two extra loads of laundry a week on a bad week. Extremely daddy and caretaker friendly, low-maintenance cloth diaper.
Unfortunately, they died... and I didn't have $300. So, I discovered Sun Baby diapers. Price-wise, far more reasonable- I now have 24 covers and loads of inserts, plus I can still use my old inserts from the Softbums diapers in them, and I've sunk less than $150 into it. Considering that my son has been in diapers now for 24 months (though he's mostly in undies now), I reckon it has saved us a good $2000 or better... plus, it has saved us from emergency 'OMG that's the last diaper, and he's wearing it!' runs at all hours.
Homemade wipes are pretty simple- buy a stack or two of soft, inexpensive wash cloths. Use warm water or make your own wipe solution, just pack in a ziplock bag for trips out of the house. Or you could be crafty and cut some out of flannel, but that can be a pain sometimes, depending on your sewing machine.
Clothes. Go to yard sales, talk to friends who've had babies when yours is due or who have kids who are similar in size for the season, they don't stay that size for long, so it doesn't make sense to buy brand new until later on when their sizes are harder to find on the secondhand market. Also, If you're expecting and your family is super excited to buy clothes for your kid, don't be afraid to tell them you're full-up on newborn goods, and to please start shopping for the next sizes up.
Toys. Newborns through about four or so months really don't need toys. I felt like a crappy mom at first because I didn't have toys laying around when Munchie arrived, but then I realized that I was one of the coolest toys ever invented... at least until he figured out how to roll around and grab things. Then a handheld mirror was pretty cool for awhile, as was one of my old silky nighties tied in a knot. Kids don't need flash and glitter. They'll play with the box if you buy them lots of toys right off the bat.
Bedding. Believe it or not, newborns don't care about their surroundings nearly as much as their adults do. I did the stupid first-timer thing and bought a (discounted, clearance) crib bedding set to coordinate with the freshly painted baby room and the lovely secondhand crib I bought. (before dropside cribs were outlawed)
Personally, for our family, we follow Dr. McKenna's safe bed-sharing rules and the crib was never used for much beyond holding laundry and temporary kid parking while putting away laundry. Your family dynamics might be different, but just the same, you coooooould buy that shiny new crib at your store of choice, or you could look at Craigslist and the yardsale circuit. Our crib was $100, used. Brand new it would have gone for nearly $300. :-)
Food. In the beginning, there's the breast. I know not everyone can or wants to breastfeed, but if you are physically able, it will save you loads! My son is sensitive to dairy (apparently a family trait that I passed to him), so we'd have had to have a dairy-free formula if we had not gone the breast route. There would have also been the cost of trial and error, trying to find one that worked for him. Some cans would have been wasted. Instead, I cancelled dairy from my diet and found substitutes, and pumped and dumped during times that I knew I'd have dairy. Two years, and still going strong!
Baby food really isn't a necessity. If you wait until baby starts to show interest in food, you can actually just mash up the food you're eating and see how it goes. If your family has a history of food allergies, try one food at a time (one a day, wait for a reaction), and save the expensive jarred stuff for occasions when you're out of the house. Also, those jars are waaaaaaay too big for a kid to have a balanced meal. One jar is about the capacity of the baby's belly... so you would really need to take a portion out of several jars to let your kid have the same sort of meal you're having with a meat, a vegetable, a fruit, etc. That adds to the cost!
Little guy is only two, and we're still finding ways to save as we go. Here's to a future of not spending $200,000 from birth to 18 years!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Holiday lessons learned, 2011.
Today was interesting. We took the boy to grandma's house for the holiday gathering today after only a 50 minute nap. On a typical day he requires two to three hours for a full recharge- especially when he has had a rough night for sleep. But we did it. He was mellow/whiny in the typical dr Jekyll manner of a toddler.
Then upon arrival he was immersed in a total sensory experience. People, things, lights, noise, food, motion activated decor... and meltdowns began. Oh, boy.
"Eat? Mama, eat? Eat now?"
"ham. Ham! HAM!! Eggs. Egg peeeeeese! Want pineapple."
"my car. That's my car! Mines!!"
That's the first ten minutes.
Three separate occasions I had to pull him to a quiet room to reset him, and once I had to break out my Mandt Training moves... then gifts were opened.
Everyone who brought a gift for him brought toys. Most had lights and sounds. All the kids were overstimulated by the time all the gifts were opened. They began to feed off each other's energy, and it was like a demonstration of atoms being heated.
We came home and found more toys with lights and sounds had come by mail. The thought I appreciate, but now we are all overwhelmed! When I become sensorily over-tapped, I get irritable and emotional. When my husband gets to that point, he gets jittery and needs to be doing something-anything with his hands. The boy gets hyper-happy and tries to bite folks. This is bad, by the way. It's like we all three go offline.
So. Here we are with a mountain of toys for one child, many of which are noisy and large. My common sense mama brain says we need to give goodwill a donation of all his old stuff. My sentimental mama brain says we need more storage bins.
Next year we are determined to just hand out a booklist and a list of clothing needs/likes/dislikes to make sure we aren't overly 'blessed' with so many toys.
Our boy does not handle abundance well. He sort of short circuits, pulls every toy out, then wanders around touching every toy. So, less is more. We will ask that everyone understand that about him and to only get him something meaningful (books, specific toys) and I'm fairly certain we're going to freak them out with this.
Another lesson learned: mandatory potty trip before looking at Christmas lights. The kid is a trooper. He made it through 45 minutes of Christmas lights (we couldn't escape the neighborhood) albeit uncomfortably while holding back full bowels and bladder. Unfortunately, his daddy was super stressed by the whimpering from the back, "potty! Gas station? Home? Potty!!"
Then upon arrival he was immersed in a total sensory experience. People, things, lights, noise, food, motion activated decor... and meltdowns began. Oh, boy.
"Eat? Mama, eat? Eat now?"
"ham. Ham! HAM!! Eggs. Egg peeeeeese! Want pineapple."
"my car. That's my car! Mines!!"
That's the first ten minutes.
Three separate occasions I had to pull him to a quiet room to reset him, and once I had to break out my Mandt Training moves... then gifts were opened.
Everyone who brought a gift for him brought toys. Most had lights and sounds. All the kids were overstimulated by the time all the gifts were opened. They began to feed off each other's energy, and it was like a demonstration of atoms being heated.
We came home and found more toys with lights and sounds had come by mail. The thought I appreciate, but now we are all overwhelmed! When I become sensorily over-tapped, I get irritable and emotional. When my husband gets to that point, he gets jittery and needs to be doing something-anything with his hands. The boy gets hyper-happy and tries to bite folks. This is bad, by the way. It's like we all three go offline.
So. Here we are with a mountain of toys for one child, many of which are noisy and large. My common sense mama brain says we need to give goodwill a donation of all his old stuff. My sentimental mama brain says we need more storage bins.
Next year we are determined to just hand out a booklist and a list of clothing needs/likes/dislikes to make sure we aren't overly 'blessed' with so many toys.
Our boy does not handle abundance well. He sort of short circuits, pulls every toy out, then wanders around touching every toy. So, less is more. We will ask that everyone understand that about him and to only get him something meaningful (books, specific toys) and I'm fairly certain we're going to freak them out with this.
Another lesson learned: mandatory potty trip before looking at Christmas lights. The kid is a trooper. He made it through 45 minutes of Christmas lights (we couldn't escape the neighborhood) albeit uncomfortably while holding back full bowels and bladder. Unfortunately, his daddy was super stressed by the whimpering from the back, "potty! Gas station? Home? Potty!!"
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Putting down the pump
Monday, December 19 (which was my EDD two years ago!) was my first day at work in two years without a breastpump. It was odd. Over the weekend I decided to pack it up for good (or at least until we start working on Offspring v2.0) since my body has stopped responding well to the pump and my production has dropped to less than three ounces take-home milk per day. I had a love-hate relationship with that pump. In the early days I virtually measured my abilities as a working mother by how many ounces I brought home. Less than twelve ounces back then led to severe self-worth issues. Twelve ounces now would be a freaking miracle!
But, I made it. When I started, I figured I'd give up at a year like everyone else I knew. But then a year came, and I was still making good milk. And it was winter. I just kept going because that's what I knew the little guy needed. I hated that I missed out on good sunlight during the spring and summer, but loved that he was getting my absolute best every day. I hated how uncomfortable my pump was. But the milk kept coming and coming!
I sit here now and look back at the hours logged with that small yellow device perched upon my lap as I ate lunches, read books, read articles online, and wrote letters to my son. I know it's a little thing, and at times I hated it, but damn am I ever proud of myself for keeping at it for so long. I did something that everyone told me couldn't be done. And I did that thing for a very long time, openly and honestly. Educating and sharing along the way in hopes that other mothers will have the confidence and support they need to do this, too.
So, Saturday night as I packed away that pump for the last time, I found myself weeping a little. That pump was ugly and uncomfortable, but it was a huge part of my life and my early mothering. I should have the darned thing bronzed or something!
But, I made it. When I started, I figured I'd give up at a year like everyone else I knew. But then a year came, and I was still making good milk. And it was winter. I just kept going because that's what I knew the little guy needed. I hated that I missed out on good sunlight during the spring and summer, but loved that he was getting my absolute best every day. I hated how uncomfortable my pump was. But the milk kept coming and coming!
I sit here now and look back at the hours logged with that small yellow device perched upon my lap as I ate lunches, read books, read articles online, and wrote letters to my son. I know it's a little thing, and at times I hated it, but damn am I ever proud of myself for keeping at it for so long. I did something that everyone told me couldn't be done. And I did that thing for a very long time, openly and honestly. Educating and sharing along the way in hopes that other mothers will have the confidence and support they need to do this, too.
So, Saturday night as I packed away that pump for the last time, I found myself weeping a little. That pump was ugly and uncomfortable, but it was a huge part of my life and my early mothering. I should have the darned thing bronzed or something!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Milestones: nearly two years of breastfeeding and pumping.
In a little less than a week I will celebrate little guy's second birthday. I am amazed by the fact that we have made it this far with breastfeeding, but despite the naysayers and those questioning continuing into toddlerhood, we're still going strong. He will get to choose when we stop as long as it works for both of us... though the pumping ends next week. I'm down to one session a day (my lunch hour) of pumping, and anywhere from one ounce to three ounces to bring home after an intense hour of ten minutes on/off/on pumping. My body simply isn't responding to the pump anymore. I can't say that I will miss the act of pumping, but I am a little sad that we are winding down. Time passes so quickly!
In 100 weeks of pumping breast milk at work, I have produced gallons of goodness for my son. I have watched him grow and thrive, even in my absence, on my milk. It makes me feel pretty awesome.
He has yet to encounter more than a small cold and a tiny run-in with Roseola (all in the last month) since birth.
I couldn't have done this without the support of my wonderful supervisors who let me have the freedom to run down the hall every couple hours to pump, a husband who was willing to learn about breastfeeding and it's importance to my health as well as our son's health, and a supportive online community of moms and dads who have been here before and were able to help me navigate.
In 100 weeks of pumping breast milk at work, I have produced gallons of goodness for my son. I have watched him grow and thrive, even in my absence, on my milk. It makes me feel pretty awesome.
He has yet to encounter more than a small cold and a tiny run-in with Roseola (all in the last month) since birth.
I couldn't have done this without the support of my wonderful supervisors who let me have the freedom to run down the hall every couple hours to pump, a husband who was willing to learn about breastfeeding and it's importance to my health as well as our son's health, and a supportive online community of moms and dads who have been here before and were able to help me navigate.
Friday, December 2, 2011
When options aren't options.
I have lots of friends and acquaintances who have scars from bringing their children into the world. Some are physical, some are mental. In our society no one wants to hear it if a mother has a healthy baby, but doesn't feel so hot herself... unless she contracted some horrible infection, in which case people want details. Nobody wants to hear about a woman's post-partum depression if she was otherwise okay and her baby is in great shape. After all, she exercised her right to choose how that baby was going to get here, right? She made that choice from a list of options available to her with modern medicine's greatest achievements. She had access to information about those choices and she made her decision. Right? That's how it went, and she should just be happy with that healthy baby and stop moping. Right? Wrong. She may not have had that access. And here's what I think about it.
I'm a firm believer in the idea that all options must exist if any options are to exist. That means I have to concede that it truly is better for some women to elect for a fully surgical, clinical birth if I am to have my choice of a home birth available. I can't fight for one type and one type alone. Unfortunately, I'm seeing more and more that women aren't really choosing some of these options as a choice, they're badgered into it or they're shown by the media that this is really the modern way to go. Why do things 'the old fashioned way' as that heifer on 'The Doctors' said a few weeks back, when you have doctors and drugs and scalpels to ease your way into motherhood. Why would you *POSSIBLY* want to be inconvenienced by the baby choosing a day that doesn't work for you? That's the message that's all around us in these modern times. Unfortunately, the message doesn't bear the weight of the risks and consequences. If you know the benefits but not the risks, you don't have the full information required to make a decision... so in effect, you don't *really* know your options.
When we don't know our options, we don't have any options. So, I'm going to clarify my position on options. You must do the research before you sign up for an elective induction, caesarean section, home birth, or natural hospital birth. You need to know what each of these will entail, what the risk is to you and to your baby, and to your body. It's not just about a healthy baby and it's not just about fitting into a busy schedule. You both need to come out healthy, because ultimately, your healthy body will be the one responsible for keeping that baby's body healthy for the next eighteen years.
So, If you're picking induction, bear in mind that this is not a simple process. You're changing the path that millenia of our women ancestors' bodies have perfected. When baby is done baking, baby sends a hormonal signal to your brain that essentially says "Hey, you! I can not only survive the outside world, I can breathe air on my own without assistance. Prepare for launch!" This causes a delicate balance in hormones to be released to soften your cervix and begin to efface and dilate more effectively. Contractions begin in earnest. Your body's own pain management system begins to kick up the oxytocin (which makes you feel better and makes you contract more), and eventually your body even begins to push the baby down and out. This is an ideal situation. I realize that the world is full of non-ideal situations and anyone planning to just let things happen on their own could need help at any time. I also realize that we live in a busy world and it's hard to wait out those last amazing weeks and some folks just get tired of answering the age-old question, "have you had that baby yet?", plus all their friends are doing it and they're *fine*.
Induction is not simple. A Caesarean is not simple. Sure, the mechanics are simple. You pick a date, your doctor agrees. You show up at the appointed time, get checked in, hooked up to monitors and IVs, things are inserted in places. When things get too hairy, you just get a needle in the spine and drift away on happy thoughts until the doctor tells you it's time to push... which of course you'll not feel because the epidural will be pumping happy juice right into your spine until they hand you your clean and shiny baby burrito. It sounds almost like you don't have to do any work in those terms.
Here's the deal. Induction is forcing the baby to leave before he or she has finished whatever project he or she is working on. This means you are asking your child to stop building brain mass, fat stores, iron stores, or polishing up those shiny new lungs for their first breath without a medical reason to do so. If you have a medical reason, then sure, this is a great idea. Same with the Caesarean. I'm not against these things if you fully understand what you're asking for. If you're doing it because of peer or family pressure, or just something that the doctor tosses out as a way to fit it into your week, this is not you making a choice. If you have chosen this after weighing your options and understanding the risks, then go for it.
For those who haven't been reading about birth, talking to women who have given birth, and researching birth for three years, here's the lowdown. Birth cannot be trusted, but it must be respected. An unmedicated birth is great, but challenging and the timing is unpredictable. Usual outcome is a healthy mom and a healthy baby, especially in a place where both mom and baby are treated with respect and kindness. That's kind of the goal of all birth methods- birth equals healthy mom and healthy baby.
Induction is usually the addition of a chemical cocktail to get things started. If your body is ready, it'll take fewer interventions to get labor started and usher that baby earthside. If your body is not ready (get to know your Bishop Score to determine whether this has a good chance of working or not), no amount of chemicals will help make this happen, and you will likely end up on an operating table.
Usually chemical induction starts with a cervical 'ripening' agent, such as cervidil, to soften your cervix and make it more favorable to begin to dilate. After hours of 'ripening', usually a drip of pitocin is added to the regimen to get contractions fired up. Some doctors prefer cytotec, also known as misopristone... if this is your doctor, run. After a little time on the Pit or Miso, the bag of waters is usually broken by a nurse or doctor to 'really get things going'. Monitors are hooked up, the mom is unable to leave the bed. The extra monitoring is generally needed because contractions caused by these drugs are longer, harder, and closer together than ones your body creates without help. This puts extra stress on your baby, who needs breaks between contractions to get more oxygen and to relax, too. If baby isn't getting enough oxygen, he or she could go into distress, which means that mom gets wheeled away for emergency surgery.
Pitocin is a synthetic version of the chemical your brain produces, called oxytocin. It stimulates the uterus to contract, which can start labor. It's great for using after birth if a mom can't stop bleeding, but using it to create labor can also lead to a post-partum hemorrhage or an overstimulated uterus. As hard as it is on the body, Pitocin is better than misopristone/cytotec because it can be dialed down if your body responds too aggressively to it. The cytotec is a pill, and once you ring that bell, you can't un-ring it. Aside from not being approved for use on pregnant women, being known as an abortion pill, and being clearly indicated on the package as unsafe for pregnant women, this stomach drug for ulcers can start some serious contractions. It has caused in the past severe enough contractions to rupture the uterus and endanger both mother and baby. Again, cytotec is great for post-partum hemorrhage since it can make the uterus contract, but can also cause post-partum hemorrhage because of how it acts on the uterus.
As long as your bag of waters is intact, baby has a cushion around his or her body that makes it easier for baby to move into a good position, keeps the contractions from squeezing baby directly, and protects baby from infections. Breaking the water can speed up labor a little by taking the cushion off baby and putting his or her head closer to the cervical os. That head pressure helps dilation, and the contractions generally help move the baby down if he or she is actually in a good position. Sometimes though, breaking the water before baby does it can cause baby to hit the birth canal at a funny angle, which can make labor even harder on mom. Breaking the water also makes both mom and baby more susceptible to infections since the amniotic sac is a germ-proof barrier for the most part. It's almost like your baby is vacuum sealed for the duration of the stay in the womb. Generally you are put on the clock once your water is broken, and the more vaginal exams you have once your water is broken, the higher your odds of having an infection. You'll be monitored more closely for signs of fever or fetal distress.
With luck, a few of these things or all of these things will come together to make a beautiful moment in which your baby will come sliding right down the birth canal and into the waiting arms of some lucky doctor or nurse with nary a scratch. Sometimes though, that baby won't want to come down. Then you may experience vacuum-assisted or forceps-assisted birth, which generally also means an episiotomy since we weren't designed to have tools crammed up our vaggies along with the heads of our offspring.
Some doctors will cut an episiotomy anyway, even if they don't need to insert tools to remove your child... but that's a topic for a different day.
If all of these things didn't work, then the odds are good that for some reason during your induction, you will find yourself in an operating room numb to the gills and divided from the view of your child by a big blue surgical drape. Of course, some of you will choose to skip everything and just head here. That's fine if it is indeed an informed choice.
Surgical birth is major abdominal surgery. Organs will leave your abdominal cavity. You could have up to six weeks of recovery. You could have issues after the healing such as a numbness where nerves have been cut, or damage to internal organs. You will now have a little scar on the outside, and a little scar on the inside... and that little scar can cause big problems down the road if you have more pregnancies.
Caesarean scars can cause problems if future pregnancies occur because the placenta can grow into or through the scar, a condition that makes it very difficult or impossible for the placenta to detach on its own after birth the way it is supposed to, and can be fatal. The risk of rupture can go up, though the rise isn't huge, the limitations in your options is. The old saying was 'once a caesarean, always a caesarean', and if you'd like to try a VBAC you may have to fight harder for it than you have fought for anything in your life. Many doctors do not want to take on the increased risk and will only do repeat caesareans. Each surgery increases the risk to the mother's health.
So, please ladies. I beg you to dig deeply and read everything you can before you make up your mind. This is more important than picking out the perfect nursery furniture and registering for all those tiny clothes and gadgets. This is more important than your stroller or diaper bag choices. This is a life choice for two people, and it can't be taken lightly.
For those who have weighed the risks with the benefits and chosen to still move ahead with your plans, I wish you a safe, peaceful, and respected birth. As a mom, all you can do is the best you can with the knowledge you have available, and I just gave you some. There's more out there. Keep searching. Be sure that what people are pushing at you is what YOU want, not just something to make someone else's life easier.
And for the friends and family members who chose to do it this way, that doesn't mean that it's the right choice for everyone. Maybe the woman you're leaning on to 'get that baby out here' because you'd like some cuddle time wants to let the baby finish baking.
I'm a firm believer in the idea that all options must exist if any options are to exist. That means I have to concede that it truly is better for some women to elect for a fully surgical, clinical birth if I am to have my choice of a home birth available. I can't fight for one type and one type alone. Unfortunately, I'm seeing more and more that women aren't really choosing some of these options as a choice, they're badgered into it or they're shown by the media that this is really the modern way to go. Why do things 'the old fashioned way' as that heifer on 'The Doctors' said a few weeks back, when you have doctors and drugs and scalpels to ease your way into motherhood. Why would you *POSSIBLY* want to be inconvenienced by the baby choosing a day that doesn't work for you? That's the message that's all around us in these modern times. Unfortunately, the message doesn't bear the weight of the risks and consequences. If you know the benefits but not the risks, you don't have the full information required to make a decision... so in effect, you don't *really* know your options.
When we don't know our options, we don't have any options. So, I'm going to clarify my position on options. You must do the research before you sign up for an elective induction, caesarean section, home birth, or natural hospital birth. You need to know what each of these will entail, what the risk is to you and to your baby, and to your body. It's not just about a healthy baby and it's not just about fitting into a busy schedule. You both need to come out healthy, because ultimately, your healthy body will be the one responsible for keeping that baby's body healthy for the next eighteen years.
So, If you're picking induction, bear in mind that this is not a simple process. You're changing the path that millenia of our women ancestors' bodies have perfected. When baby is done baking, baby sends a hormonal signal to your brain that essentially says "Hey, you! I can not only survive the outside world, I can breathe air on my own without assistance. Prepare for launch!" This causes a delicate balance in hormones to be released to soften your cervix and begin to efface and dilate more effectively. Contractions begin in earnest. Your body's own pain management system begins to kick up the oxytocin (which makes you feel better and makes you contract more), and eventually your body even begins to push the baby down and out. This is an ideal situation. I realize that the world is full of non-ideal situations and anyone planning to just let things happen on their own could need help at any time. I also realize that we live in a busy world and it's hard to wait out those last amazing weeks and some folks just get tired of answering the age-old question, "have you had that baby yet?", plus all their friends are doing it and they're *fine*.
Induction is not simple. A Caesarean is not simple. Sure, the mechanics are simple. You pick a date, your doctor agrees. You show up at the appointed time, get checked in, hooked up to monitors and IVs, things are inserted in places. When things get too hairy, you just get a needle in the spine and drift away on happy thoughts until the doctor tells you it's time to push... which of course you'll not feel because the epidural will be pumping happy juice right into your spine until they hand you your clean and shiny baby burrito. It sounds almost like you don't have to do any work in those terms.
Here's the deal. Induction is forcing the baby to leave before he or she has finished whatever project he or she is working on. This means you are asking your child to stop building brain mass, fat stores, iron stores, or polishing up those shiny new lungs for their first breath without a medical reason to do so. If you have a medical reason, then sure, this is a great idea. Same with the Caesarean. I'm not against these things if you fully understand what you're asking for. If you're doing it because of peer or family pressure, or just something that the doctor tosses out as a way to fit it into your week, this is not you making a choice. If you have chosen this after weighing your options and understanding the risks, then go for it.
For those who haven't been reading about birth, talking to women who have given birth, and researching birth for three years, here's the lowdown. Birth cannot be trusted, but it must be respected. An unmedicated birth is great, but challenging and the timing is unpredictable. Usual outcome is a healthy mom and a healthy baby, especially in a place where both mom and baby are treated with respect and kindness. That's kind of the goal of all birth methods- birth equals healthy mom and healthy baby.
Induction is usually the addition of a chemical cocktail to get things started. If your body is ready, it'll take fewer interventions to get labor started and usher that baby earthside. If your body is not ready (get to know your Bishop Score to determine whether this has a good chance of working or not), no amount of chemicals will help make this happen, and you will likely end up on an operating table.
Usually chemical induction starts with a cervical 'ripening' agent, such as cervidil, to soften your cervix and make it more favorable to begin to dilate. After hours of 'ripening', usually a drip of pitocin is added to the regimen to get contractions fired up. Some doctors prefer cytotec, also known as misopristone... if this is your doctor, run. After a little time on the Pit or Miso, the bag of waters is usually broken by a nurse or doctor to 'really get things going'. Monitors are hooked up, the mom is unable to leave the bed. The extra monitoring is generally needed because contractions caused by these drugs are longer, harder, and closer together than ones your body creates without help. This puts extra stress on your baby, who needs breaks between contractions to get more oxygen and to relax, too. If baby isn't getting enough oxygen, he or she could go into distress, which means that mom gets wheeled away for emergency surgery.
Pitocin is a synthetic version of the chemical your brain produces, called oxytocin. It stimulates the uterus to contract, which can start labor. It's great for using after birth if a mom can't stop bleeding, but using it to create labor can also lead to a post-partum hemorrhage or an overstimulated uterus. As hard as it is on the body, Pitocin is better than misopristone/cytotec because it can be dialed down if your body responds too aggressively to it. The cytotec is a pill, and once you ring that bell, you can't un-ring it. Aside from not being approved for use on pregnant women, being known as an abortion pill, and being clearly indicated on the package as unsafe for pregnant women, this stomach drug for ulcers can start some serious contractions. It has caused in the past severe enough contractions to rupture the uterus and endanger both mother and baby. Again, cytotec is great for post-partum hemorrhage since it can make the uterus contract, but can also cause post-partum hemorrhage because of how it acts on the uterus.
As long as your bag of waters is intact, baby has a cushion around his or her body that makes it easier for baby to move into a good position, keeps the contractions from squeezing baby directly, and protects baby from infections. Breaking the water can speed up labor a little by taking the cushion off baby and putting his or her head closer to the cervical os. That head pressure helps dilation, and the contractions generally help move the baby down if he or she is actually in a good position. Sometimes though, breaking the water before baby does it can cause baby to hit the birth canal at a funny angle, which can make labor even harder on mom. Breaking the water also makes both mom and baby more susceptible to infections since the amniotic sac is a germ-proof barrier for the most part. It's almost like your baby is vacuum sealed for the duration of the stay in the womb. Generally you are put on the clock once your water is broken, and the more vaginal exams you have once your water is broken, the higher your odds of having an infection. You'll be monitored more closely for signs of fever or fetal distress.
With luck, a few of these things or all of these things will come together to make a beautiful moment in which your baby will come sliding right down the birth canal and into the waiting arms of some lucky doctor or nurse with nary a scratch. Sometimes though, that baby won't want to come down. Then you may experience vacuum-assisted or forceps-assisted birth, which generally also means an episiotomy since we weren't designed to have tools crammed up our vaggies along with the heads of our offspring.
Some doctors will cut an episiotomy anyway, even if they don't need to insert tools to remove your child... but that's a topic for a different day.
If all of these things didn't work, then the odds are good that for some reason during your induction, you will find yourself in an operating room numb to the gills and divided from the view of your child by a big blue surgical drape. Of course, some of you will choose to skip everything and just head here. That's fine if it is indeed an informed choice.
Surgical birth is major abdominal surgery. Organs will leave your abdominal cavity. You could have up to six weeks of recovery. You could have issues after the healing such as a numbness where nerves have been cut, or damage to internal organs. You will now have a little scar on the outside, and a little scar on the inside... and that little scar can cause big problems down the road if you have more pregnancies.
Caesarean scars can cause problems if future pregnancies occur because the placenta can grow into or through the scar, a condition that makes it very difficult or impossible for the placenta to detach on its own after birth the way it is supposed to, and can be fatal. The risk of rupture can go up, though the rise isn't huge, the limitations in your options is. The old saying was 'once a caesarean, always a caesarean', and if you'd like to try a VBAC you may have to fight harder for it than you have fought for anything in your life. Many doctors do not want to take on the increased risk and will only do repeat caesareans. Each surgery increases the risk to the mother's health.
So, please ladies. I beg you to dig deeply and read everything you can before you make up your mind. This is more important than picking out the perfect nursery furniture and registering for all those tiny clothes and gadgets. This is more important than your stroller or diaper bag choices. This is a life choice for two people, and it can't be taken lightly.
For those who have weighed the risks with the benefits and chosen to still move ahead with your plans, I wish you a safe, peaceful, and respected birth. As a mom, all you can do is the best you can with the knowledge you have available, and I just gave you some. There's more out there. Keep searching. Be sure that what people are pushing at you is what YOU want, not just something to make someone else's life easier.
And for the friends and family members who chose to do it this way, that doesn't mean that it's the right choice for everyone. Maybe the woman you're leaning on to 'get that baby out here' because you'd like some cuddle time wants to let the baby finish baking.
Monday, November 28, 2011
My philosophy.
I am going to become a birth educator. Given my radical way of thinking and living, that scares the bejeepers out of lots of people. I might give people ideas. I might start little seeds of change which might improve how people look at birth. I might just end up with another education that nets me little to no income change, but it's where I'm called and where I'm going.
I've had a few people call me out on this, "what are you POSSIBLY going to teach people?" and "Homebirth isn't the ONLY way to birth, you know." Oh, and "How are you going to teach people the right way to do stuff when you don't do things the right way?"
Because I swim against the current (co-sleeping, full-term nursing, home birthing, non-circ'ing, etc.) there are some who are afraid I'll start passing out Kool Aid and encourage everyone to drink deeply and come ride the crazy-wagon with me. I'm not though. At least, that's not my intention. My belief is that
neither western medical tradition nor holistic healing traditions hold all of the cards when it comes to birth. Much like my beliefs in politics: each side holds a piece of the puzzle, and both sides DO have the ability to enhance the outcomes of the other!I've had a few people call me out on this, "what are you POSSIBLY going to teach people?" and "Homebirth isn't the ONLY way to birth, you know." Oh, and "How are you going to teach people the right way to do stuff when you don't do things the right way?"
Because I swim against the current (co-sleeping, full-term nursing, home birthing, non-circ'ing, etc.) there are some who are afraid I'll start passing out Kool Aid and encourage everyone to drink deeply and come ride the crazy-wagon with me. I'm not though. At least, that's not my intention. My belief is that
I'm no longer fully on the natural childbirth wagon. For me, it is the way I birth best based on my health state and what works best for my family. For you, it may be a full-on epidural cocktail with a perc chaser. Your choices are yours, birthing ladies of the future, but my job is to help get good, accurate, and balanced information into your hands so the choices you make are actual choices and not just something you do because your cousin's cousin said you couldn't do any different.
With luck, I will be teaching by mid 2012, mostly to lower income women and their partners in order to ensure that poor women have access to the knowledge on how their bodies work, how to cope with labor discomfort, parenting practices, and breastfeeding.
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