Still going.

I just realized this week that I have officially been pumping at work for one year and one month.  Thirteen months of pumping in the tiny, windowless, dim room at work.  I have raised some eyebrows.  I have irritated some people.  I have persisted through nursing strikes, teething, supply ups and downs, stress, but I have kept going.  Probably to the detriment of any semblance of career growth, especially if I were to believe this lovely work of art: http://www.montrealgazette.com/health/Breastfeeding+moms+viewed+less+competent/4518650/story.html

but I persist because it's right for me, it's right for the little guy.  

Occasionally I feel it.  I feel like I'm the idiot for swimming against the current (and following WHO guidelines)... then something happens, like a couple weeks ago when little man got hold of a nibble of cheese and turned into the kid from The Exorcist.  Dairy is still not our friend.  Mama's milk still is.  And I'm not less competent or less intelligent because I nurse my son and pump when I am away from him.  No, quite the opposite, actually.  

So, here's my response to those who feel I (and other breastfeeding, working mothers) am not worth the investment, career-wise.

What I am doing shows perseverance over time and against adversity.  Dedication to a project that others do not want or cannot take on.  The ability to research and think outside the box in order to solve problems as they arise.  The ability to deal with criticism.  The ability to educate and be an example.  To set goals and meet them.  To manage time better.  To put someone else's needs before my own.  To multitask.  To be two people, a mother and a worker, and strike a balance between the two.  I think all of these things rock as traits for employees- and I'm working them like a rock star.

What I do each day is not easy.  If it were, more people would be doing it, and my small room would likely be a line of stalls with a shelf and a comfy chair each, instead of one room with a chair.  There would be few women who would tell me, "I could never do that" or "I tried, but my supply went away and I had to quit" or "I never had milk so I never had to worry about it".  But, it's not hard, either.  Perhaps uncomfortable and inconvenient, but not as bad as so many people told me it would be.  I do feel self-conscious sometimes, and I answer awkward questions about it, but it's so worth it.  

I may be away from my desk for 15 minutes every two hours, (less productive) but it makes me both a better employee and a better mom.  Seriously, if I were at my desk that extra time, I'd get less done.  This forces me to focus when I am at my desk and get the work moving so I can make it down to the pump room before my breasts start leaking.  Plus, it takes me out of the moment to gather my thoughts on the rough days when I want to reach through the phone, bringing me back to level before I approach customers again.

I know it's not for everyone, and it may be easier for moms to just crack a can of artificial baby feed and go back to work, but doing that doesn't make us better employees anymore than pumping and nursing make us worse employees.  I personally enjoy the challenge and the time away from my desk (which finds me quite often talking to my son on the cell phone while I pump).

-L.