drawn.

So, world, what's a girl to do when she's called to do something and has been treading the same path for so long she's in a rut up to her eyeballs? More than anything, I'd like to teach about birth. I obviously couldn't do it full-time, I do have a family to support. I crave it though. I read about birth, I read about birth options, I pester my pregnant friends and family, I cry when I hear about unnecessary interventions, I yell at the TV when I watch TLC's birth story shows, I get emotional. It's where my heart is.

By day I'm a crazy, policy-lovin', paperwork filin' banker. By any other time, I revel in the new beginnings of birth and longing for an outlet.

I could take the money out of savings for my certification, but I'm afraid if I do that I will be shorting my family in case of an emergency. Also, my husband is not in school this summer... the VA did not renew his Vocational-Rehab funding, so we're going to have to button down and tighten our belts around here. (easier said than done) When he's in school there's a little extra cash flow with his school stipend.

Since savings isn't an option, a second job for me is not an option, I feel stuck right now. I can't seem to do more than I am doing. I guess I'll have to settle for an informal education from the likes of Henci Goer, Dr. Sears, Michel Odent, Ina May Gaskin, and my friends in the local birthing community. I'd like to teach people that homebirth is safe, and that birth in general is nothing to be afraid of.

I like banking, but I love birthing. I love new moms with their pink and squeaking newborns. I love the raw and overwhelming power of birth, the surrender of mere womanhood to motherhood. I need students.

-L.